Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
