So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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