I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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