I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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