I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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