my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
