who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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