I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
