I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
