so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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