Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
