well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
