if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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