you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We have started to decorate penises.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
