wanna go halves on a baby?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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