There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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