put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
