I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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