Farmville is her only friend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
