My nipple is on Facebook.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
