Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
