ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
