hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
