That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
