yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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