I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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