when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
