Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
