They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
