Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
