I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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