This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
