Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Vodka?
Forever.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
