im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
