Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
