I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
