Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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