I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
