So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
