Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
