Your mouth is God's brothel.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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