I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
