worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
