google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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