i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
