Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
