We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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