Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
