turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
