I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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