My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
